A Christmas Poem - Somewhat Stolen By Many - Just Taking My Turn

Season's Greetings!

In appreciation for hitting 400 members and in celebration of the holiday season I offer the following Uncle Bob original ... 

Twas the week before Christmas and all 'cross the webs.
We was all eatin snack cakes - most better than Little Deb's.
The flockings had started to HumorQ on a dare,
In hopes that high humor scores soon would be there.

The cartoons were nestled all snug in their spot,
While four hundred captioners wondered a lot.
With me at the 'puter, and Mom at the TV,
We both kept on yellin' "Come here and see."

Some say I am jolly and lively and quick,
Please make no mistake I'm far from St. Nick.
But for those that are loyal to my fun little game,
I will take this moment to call some by name.

On Rita, On Joey, On Myrna and Cary
On Ashley, On Janet, On Sirrob and Barry.
And lots more names that are real hard to rhyme,
It's great that our website and you have shared time.

In two thousand twelve I hope you remain,
And thousands of others climb on our train.
That HumorQ grows bigger in need of a staff,
But most of all I wish you all a good laugh!

Merry Christmas! And thanks for being part of http://HumorQ.com .

Uncle Bob

Dear Will Ferrell Haters

Dear Will Ferrell Haters,

I'm sorry but it's you that is wrong with the world of humor.  You criticize a man that has mastered performance of the silly.  Silly - Exhibiting a lack of wisdom or good sense; foolish.  Silly my friends goes back to the days of court jesters and has been one of the purest forms of humor for many centuries.  My guess is Will could tell you stories of his great great great great great great granduncle Willius Ferrelldom the redundantly great court Jester of Laughious the III.  Alas, you find this not funny.

I'm guessing the root of your hatred grows from the definition of arrogance - making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights; overbearingly assuming; insolently proud.  Do you share the same feelings toward the Stooges, or perhaps Lucille Ball?  Your intelligence my friends is serving as your enemy.  You see it as deserving of some humor exclusivity when in fact exclusivity is what narrows your humor score.  Laughter is our bond with an intelligent universe and foolishness bridges the masses.  In addition, laughing at the same things our children laugh at is an important connection we have with them and finding the humor in a character like Will Ferrell's Buddy the Elf is one of the greatest connections you can share with your children.

I can appreciate that the subject matter of some Will Ferrell films is adolescent and perhaps reminds you of a period in your life that is important to put behind you.  It's just more exclusion though and a barrier between yourself and a large group of people.  I ask you  - "How big are the rooms you laugh in?", "How hearty a laugh comes from your body?", "When is the last time you shared a laugh with a child or a stranger?".  I am proud of my answers to these questions and I hope you come over to my side someday.  Times a wastin'.

Got your nose.

Bob DiPasuale
Http://HumorQ.com Founder

Thanks to Dictionary.com for the definitions mentioned above.

It's Allgood People

A discussion with frequent HumorQ Winner Joey Allgood... 

So, you’re a HumorQ champion.  To what do you credit such an impressive sense of humor?

My wife is my harshest critic, so I’m under constant pressure to meet her standard of funny. Once while we were dating, I uttered a mediocre pun and spent the next month sleeping on the couch. We weren’t even living together!

Do you have some sort of ritual that you do that helps you submit champion caliber captions?

I usually log in pretty early in the day and see what the new caption is, then maul it over in my head for a while until I come up with something that makes me laugh. That should be everyone’s barometer of funniness.

Are there certain people you’d like to approach and say “Remember that day you said I wasn’t funny?  Well my humorq is (fill in your humorq here)” ?

There’s a couple, but it would be in poor taste to gloat and mock at this point. Does that make me a better person than Elisha Allgood or Russ Clinton? I’ll let you decide.

Let’s say you realized a tiny goat family has been living in the glove compartment of your car, what would you say to them?

Nothing. I’d let the vacuum do the talking.

Fair is fair.  Do you have a question for me?

Nope, I have two. Is there a way to provide an edit option on a caption you submitted on that day? I get why editing your caption after it’s been voted on would be a bad idea, but sometimes you misspell a word or think of a funnier way to phrase something. Also, would it be possible to add an option to add bold, italics, underlines, etc. to captions?

Yes there’s a way.  But you asked two questions so I can’t help you until some penalty period passes.

In case you happen to write one liner jokes too, what (tasteful) one liner joke of yours would you like me to try out for you at my next open mic visit? (which I would put on youtube so you could see if it worked)

I’m just curious, does anyone here know if bulimics prefer finger food?

Joey, you should be ashamed.  Bulimic finger jokes are in ‘bad taste’.

Is there another website (besides HumorQ.com where we put a number on how funny people are), that you would like the world to know about?

Sure! My lovely and talented wife helped set up a place for me to put my creations (mostly caption wins and fake news articles at the moment)… it’s at https://joeyallgood.wordpress.com/

Finally, is there anything else you would like to share with the people learning about HumorQ? 

If you’re anything like me when I first joined, the first few weeks were brutal. Give it time and don’t lose heart. It takes a while familiarize yourself with the type of entries that win. Scroll through past winners and get a feel for the kind of humor voters appreciate. And above all, BE PATIENT! There are a lot of talented captioneers out there. Just when you think you’ve written a “sure thing”, people like Cary Antebi, Rita Welegala, and Ted Rivera will come up with something that makes you embarrassed by what you submitted. And if you think you deserved a name check in the previous sentence, win next month’s contest and prove me wrong… :)

An Interview with Our August Champion - Ashley Schweiger

So, you’re a HumorQ champion.  To what do you credit such an impressive sense of humor?

My dad and Husband. They are the masters of puns and dancing. 

I'm not familiar with pun dancing but it sounds incredibly entertaining.  I'm smelling new reality TV show.

Do you have some sort of ritual that you do that helps you submit champion caliber captions?

I drink a Pepsi, crack my fingers and type whatever comes to mind.

Are there certain people you’d like to approach and say “Remember that day you said I wasn’t funny?  Well my humorq is (fill in your humorq here)” ?

Oh yeah. I can’t wait to tell my brother. He said I would never be as funny as our dad. I don’t see my dad with the title of HumorQ Champion. Don’t worry, I rubbed it in my dad’s face. And my husband’s.

Let’s say you realized a tiny goat family has been living in the glove compartment of your car, what would you say to them?

Well that would explain the funny smell....I would ask if this was the new entryway to Narnia.

Fair is fair.  Do you have a question for me?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

There's that GEICO commercial now I think with the woodchucks actually chucking wood, so we're closer to the answer with them being caught on film but there's probably no end to it really.  It's like asking how much jibberish could I type.

Is there another website (besides HumorQ.com where we put a number oh how funny people are), that you would like the world to know about?

Well there’s a site called reddit, and it has a bunch of subreddits such as Funny, Jokes, Humor. You can submit stuff and get karma.

Finally, is there anything else you would like to share with the people learning about HumorQ?  

Don’t try to hard. If you can’t think of a caption just walk away. Or close the tab. 

Personally I think trying too hard is exactly what you should do, and never close the tab.  Just short of cranial explosion is when I would give up....but that's just me.

Newest HumorQ Caption Prototype Accdentally Left In Bar

In what appears to be a complete breakdown of caption security a HumorQ.com member has claimed to have left a bar in Austin Texas while failing to retain the cartoon caption prototype he had been working on for the latest contest.  The HumorQ member wished to remain anonymous but had this to say.

"I had the cartoon in my head all day.  There were some mediocre captions that came to my head, but we're talking humorq scores of 110, 120 at the most.  Then, right as I'm finishing my first Mexican martini, it came to me.  I jotted it down on my napkin.  And then I guess I just left it there like a suitcase that should have been handcuffed to my wrist.  I'm just beside myself.  Not in a there's me, and there's another me right here kind of way.  I mean I'm upset.  The caption had something about an anchor and a three dollar calculator, but that's all I remember.  I know it was at least a humorq of 180, and now it's gone."

Skeptics believe this could be an intentional copycat leak to try and stir excitement about the caption contest at http://humorq.com .  Whatever.


 

Introducing July's HumorQ Champion - Janet Williams

So, you’re a HumorQ champion.  To what do you credit such an impressive sense of humor?

I have a very dry sense of humor and I rarely laugh out loud. I attribute this to my upbringing in an extended family full of folks who use satire, irony and snideness (is that a word?) in their everyday language. It’s our family’s way of showing affection.

Do you have some sort of ritual that you do that helps you submit champion caliber captions?

Staring at the monitor until something comes to me, discarding the obvious caption (usually the first thing that comese to me) and waiting for something not so predictable to come into my head. Sometimes this is an excruciating experience.

Are there certain people you’d like to approach and say “Remember that day you said I wasn’t funny?  Well my humorq is (fill in your humorq here)” ?

Not really, but I have enjoyed telling my older sister Gayle Williams that I have had the winning caption on so many occasions. She is a new HumorQ contributor and has recently had two winning captions in less than a week. She is a formidable opponent.(And, by the way, is the only person who has ever beat me at Trivial Pursuit.)

Let’s say you realized a tiny goat family has been living in the glove compartment of your car, what would you say to them?

“So that’s what happened to my auto insurance verification card!”

Fair is fair.  Do you have a question for me?

Are you planning any modifications to the website? It would be nice, for example, to be able to have an archive of winning entries.

I have many big ideas.  I also plan to organize the garage.  Right now,  I'm going to make a sandwich.  Actually I'm hopeful further development efforts will be picking up very soon.

Is there another website (besides HumorQ.com where we put a number oh how funny people are), that you would like the world to know about?

I love www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com and for the adults in the crowd, http://textsfromlastnight.com.

Finally, is there anything else you would like to share with the people learning about HumorQ?  

“Funny” is in the mind of the reader. Some prefer cornpone humor; others get a kick out of puns. I’m not a fan of sophomoric humor but I realize there are a lot of folks who laugh at loud at what I consider “teenage idiocy.” For me, HumorQ is not about being the funniest; it’s about challenging myself to be creative every day.

CBS Recognizes Me for Fourth Time

Probably many of you don't realize that while I created HumorQ because I wanted to play the most ultimately fair caption contest, that I don't actually play HumorQ myself.  After all, I'm the database programmer, and I could cheat.  The day will come when I can hand the programming over and then I will play and see how well I do.  I need to warn you though.  I've just been validated for the 4th time in CBS.com's late show Top Ten Contest ...

Ladies and Gentlemen. HumorQ Champion, Dustin Gettel

So, you’re a HumorQ champion. To what do you credit such an impressive sense of humor? 

I fully credit the success I've achieved at HumorQ to my steady diet of inexpensive government cheese and boxed wine. 

Do you have some sort of ritual that you do that helps you submit champion caliber captions?

Well, I get to work around 8:30 every morning, and by 8:32 I'm at HumorQ.com thinking about the latest caption contest. After my second cup of coffee and some additional non work-related web browsing, the captions normally come to me in an unsteady haze of caffeine and Baileys Irish Cream. 

I should ask if you're still working.  Anyway, are there certain people you’d like to approach and say "Remember that day you said I wasn’t funny? Well my humorq is (fill in your humorq here)"?

Pretty much every teacher I've ever had from kindergarten through college made it clear (some more abundately than others) that my humor was not appreciated in their classrooms. Head teachers and principals frequently got involved.

Let’s say you realized a tiny goat family has been living in the glove compartment of your car, what would you say to them?

Do you see my insurance card and registration in there anywhere? This cop looks pretty mad.

Fair is fair. Do you have a question for me?  

I have one question and a related follow-up: What percentage of submitted captions actually make you laugh, and do you have a favorite all-time submission?

I don't ever laugh because people already think I'm a bit off. A couple html tags short of a working web page some say.  But there's a number of them I secretly enjoy.  One of my recent favorites was the guy staring at the clothes dryer, and Avis Rawlinson's winning caption... "Alvin suddenly had the urge to see what he´d look like after a  "fluff" cycle."  What a great place for Avis's brain to go.  That was awesome.

Is there another website (besides HumorQ.com where we put a number on how funny people are), that you would like the world to know about? 

Well, surprisingly, there is. My friend and I write a professional wrestling blog and would love to shamelessly promote it here, thanks: www.invertedatomicblog.com.

Finally, is there anything else you would like to share with the people learning about HumorQ? 

Please don't let the glamour of becoming a HumorQ champion ruin you. Sure, the weekly champagne parties and private jets are nice, but your soul will soon become bitter and empty ... until you fill it with more government cheese.

Another Champ Interview - Meet Chris Rowen

So, you’re a HumorQ champion.  To what do you credit such an impressive sense of humor?

 

Low expectations

Do you have some sort of ritual that you do that helps you submit champion caliber captions?

 I start with a dictionary and gradually erase all the words that aren’t funny

Are there certain people you’d like to approach and say “Remember that day you said I wasn’t funny?  Well my humorq is (fill in your humorq here)” ?

Well, let’s just say that my wife’s cat will never hear the end of this.

Let’s say you realized a tiny goat family has been living in the glove compartment of your car, what would you say to them?

There’s much more space in the trunk.

Fair is fair.  Do you have a question for me?

When you sell your site to AOL / Huffington Post for a billion dollars, can all contributors sue you for unfair labor practices, or just us past champions?

I'm hoping you all sue me.  I will insist your cases be heard in HumorQ order for which AOL / Huff post will agree to restore my pre-litigation fortune.  As Yukon Cornelius said many times "We'll all be rich!!!" .

Finally, is there anything else you would like to share with the people learning about HumorQ? 

Once you learn the HumorQ champions’ secret handshake and see the clubhouse, you will realize that it’s worth the effort.

A Discussuin With HumorQ Champ and Artist Amy Sherman

So, you’re a HumorQ champion.  To what do you credit such an impressive sense of humor? 

Highly developed passive/aggressive tendencies and a desperate need for the adoration of others.

Do you have some sort of ritual that you do that helps you submit champion caliber captions?  

Absolutely. I stare at the panel until something comes to mind. Christian Bogle does a great job setting the scene for quirky ideas.

You’re not only a HumorQ player, you’re a HumorQ cartoon artist too.  Can we hope to see more of that from you?  

As long as I can find the time between all the interviews that are flooding in.

Let’s say you realized a tiny goat family has been living in the glove compartment of your car, what would you say to them?   

Eat all the tickets you can stomach.

Fair is fair.  Do you have a question for me?

 

Is there any way you can talk more about me?

Actually, the goats from your glove compartment and I have spoke at great length.  They’re all like “She should pay those tickets.  It’s her civic duty.”, and I’m all like “She’s a HumorQ champ.  There should be recognition for that.” And then there’s this one goat that has paper in his teeth that says “I’m with Bob!.”.  It’s really never ending.

Is there another website (besides HumorQ.com where we put a number on how funny people are), that you would like the world to know about?  

Well, I just got a job writing horoscopes for go2.com beginning May 16th. They only trusted me with Mondays through Thursdays, so don't blame me for any bad weekend advice. (Note: Go to their Entertainment page and scroll to bottom for daily horoscopes.)

Finally, is there anything else you would like to share with the people learning about HumorQ? 

Great site for exercising your grey matter and staving off Alzheimer's.

The Humor Experiment Continues

You remember that I started a crusade to make judging humor something that we all do together, right?  Well, for now, I guess I still want to play in some of the contests judged by the few, so I went and threw my standup routine out there.  The truth is what I appreciate most is the laughter.  I hope it brings you some...

Remember,  I love feedback.

HumorQ.com Host Uncle Bob at Cap City Open Mic Again

HumorQ Goes International

This week HumorQ meets with Avis Rawlinson, a frequent HumorQ champ from North of the border.

So, you’re a HumorQ champion.  To what do you credit such an impressive sense of humor?

Hmmm....well, I think firstly it's due to the fact I'm originally from the North of England (if you watch Coronation St. you'll know we're a funny bunch!) Plus I was bullied as a kid, the only Protestant on a street filled with Irish Catholics in the 60s...and learned that I could cut my enemy down to size by making them look silly and having their own group laugh with me! Saved my skin I can tell you! My mother was also a bit like Lucille Ball, red hair and all! Genetics?

 

Do you have some sort of ritual that you do that helps you submit champion caliber captions?

No...I do some of them when I've just got off night shift...I think being sleep deprived helps! Other times I grab a coffee, stare at the cartoon and wait for inspiration to strike! LOL!

Are there certain people you’d like to approach and say “Remember that day you said I wasn’t funny?  Well my humorq is ..." ?

Oh yes! A few of my teachers that used to give me a detention for cracking up the class.

Let’s say you realized a tiny goat family has been living in the glove compartment of your car, what would you say to them?

"Good God...I wondered where that smell was coming from!  And which one of you ate my Map of Ontario?"

Fair is fair.  Do you have a question for me?

Yes. Are you ever going to offer Tim Hortons gift cards for us Canadians? Nah just kidding...let's see...um...are you ever going to publish a book with all these cartoons and our captions so we can all get rich someday?

Well I'll answer both questions since it's my blog and all.  I'll investigate the complexity of international prize giving.  I make it to Vermont every summer, so I'm practically in Montreal there.  I'll get back to you on that one.  I have published a book.  It's titled "Don't Hide When Your Pants are Full" available at Lulu.com.  No pictures or captions in it though.  Eventually we will figure out how to create products from the goings on here, but right now it's not about the money making.  

Is there another website (besides HumorQ.com where we put a number oh how funny people are), that you would like the world to know about?

Yes, thanks for asking! I have a store on Zazzle where I sell my designs, ideas, artwork etc. on a variety of products....(and yes, AvisNoelle is my real name!)

http://www.zazzle.com/avisnoelledesigns

I also have a store where I sell my photography and designs/artwork on greetings cards...

http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/AvisNoelleDesigns

Finally, is there anything else you would like to share with the people learning about HumorQ? 

I think it's a great site in which you can be creative, say all those funny things you've always wanted to say but never had the vehicle to do so, and possibly ward off Alzheimer's Disease by staying mentally agile! Plus it's just plain fun! :0)

A Visit With Last Month's Starbucks Winner Rita Welagala

So, you’re a HumorQ champion.  To what do you credit such an impressive sense of humor?

Maybe going to Catholic school?

Do you have some sort of ritual that you do that helps you submit champion caliber captions?

Wearing some big clown shoes helps.

Are there certain people you’d like to approach and say “Remember that day you said I wasn’t funny?

Sister Mary Alberta

Let’s say you realized a tiny goat family has been living in the glove compartment of your car, what would you say to them?

That's where I keep my kid skin gloves!!

Fair is fair.  Do you have a question for me?

What do you get out of this?

It's sort of like hosting a party.  There's time, effort, and a wee bit of money involved, but at the end of the day, I feel like I gave the people a good place to hang out for a little while.  I'll hate if it's ever over.  There will be all that picking up to do. 

Is there another website (besides HumorQ.com where we put a number oh how funny people are), that you would like the world to know about?

I'm setting  up an AboutMe.com  It's not open yet. It's to promote my book, which is also not ready yet.

Well, let us know when the book is out, I'll want to get that one.  You probably didn't know this but I wrote a book myself.  It's called "Don't Hide When Your Pants Are Full". and it's available at Lulu.com.

Finally, is there anything else you would like to share with the people learning about HumorQ?  

It's a good brain exercise.

HumorQ Champion Tanya Amberson Shares about HumorQ

Here's an interview with our latest HumorQ Champion, Tanya Amberson...

So, you’re a HumorQ champion. To what do you credit such an impressive sense of humor?

I guess I'd have to say my husband because he always makes me laugh. I was a pretty serious person before we got together, but I guess his wit has rubbed off on me over the years.

Do you have some sort of ritual that you do that helps you submit champion caliber captions?

Well, I usually look at the new cartoon in the morning or the night before. Sometimes a caption pops into my head right away. If it doesn't I let it roll around in my brain while I paint (I'm an animal artist) and I seem to always be able to come up with something. Now, whether that something's funny is a whole 'nother ball of wax.

Are there certain people you’d like to approach and say “Remember that day you said I wasn’t funny? Well my humorq is 200” ?

Maybe my Dad when he use to say "That's not funny missy", usually before I really caught heck. But if I said that to him now I don't think he would be amused. I definitely didn't get my sense of humor from him.

Let’s say you realized a tiny goat family has been living in the glove compartment of your car, what would you say to them?

No idea, although I would feel like the butt of a bad joke.

Fair is fair. Do you have a question for me?

What's YOUR humorq?

Oh boy, that's a loaded question. Right now I don't play because I have the keys to the database, and if I we're a champion, my brothers would say I cheated. I'm very anxious to pay someone else to hold the keys, so I can play too.

Is there another website (besides HumorQ.com where we put a number oh how funny people are), that you would like the world to know about?

I'm going to engage in some shameless self promotion and tell people to visit my site at:

http://www.AmbersonArt.blogspot.com

My husband and I are animal artists and are always available to do custom paintings of pets, wildlife, etc.

Finally, is there anything else you would like to share with the people learning about HumorQ?

Just that it's a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to more people signing up and participating. If I can create a winning caption then anyone can create a winning caption.

Time Travel, Crowdsifting, HumorQ, and a Goat

A time traveler from another world journeys to earth in the year 1011. He rounds up the then world rulers and asks them to give the best twenty-five word answer to the question "What is wisdom?". They are told if their answer is correct, they will be taught the ways to live a most joyous life. The time traveler explains they have 24 hours for all of them to come up with a single best answer to the question, and then offers to give each a ride home. King Sancho III suggests they all just stay there and talk about it, but they end up agreeing to all take their rides home, spend the night speaking to their advisors, and return 23 hours later to select their best answer in the final hour.

It's the year 1011, and the conversation doesn't go very well. Lots of literal back stabbing. Finally, the time traveler speaks up and says "Yo!, Maybe it's just me, but I don't think your planet is quite ready yet. I'm gonna head back to my time travel machine, crank the surprisingly analog knob up 1000 years, and see how you guys are doing." One of the smarter kings says "We'll be dead, right?".

Anyway, the time traveler returns in 2011 and once again rounds up the world leaders to offer the secrets of a joyous life in exchange for the best twenty-five word answer to the question "What is wisdom?". Diplomatically they form a plan to acquire the answer, we will each separate and speak to our advisors, and return in 20 hours when we will each submit our best answer, debate for three hours and then vote. They all went off and did their thing. With the world's eyes paying attention this time, the leaders each pitched their answers. It soon became apparent that each wanted more time, and after an hour went by, the time traveler and the whole world could plainly see that a vote would never happen. An answer would never be given.

The time traveler spoke "You know you guys really have come along way. You have lots of emerging technology, and you're all getting along most of the time, but you really could use a better way to communicate good ideas. Last night while you were thinking of your answers, I met a man in a place called Round Rock. I wasn't expecting much, you know "Round Rock" really doesn't say "We're brilliant" , at least not to me, but I want you to listen to him for a minute."

The man from Round Rock spoke, "Hi, I'll make this quick since we only have a couple of more hours to get this answer. I have an idea I call crowdsifting. That's right I use the prefix 'crowd', please don't take much time to get over it. Anyway, if everyone in the world that has a good answer to the time traveler's question would sign on to crowdsifting.com, I can tell you how this works. You see we can leverage the power of the internet to find the best answer to this question in an hour or two. The way it works is you are first asked to vote on the submissions of others. You will see around five or six sets of five answers each, and you will be asked to choose the one you like best in each set. You should notice that as you move through the sets the answers get better. After you have voted, and seen what some of the best answers look like, you will get to submit your answer. Your answer will then be presented to five other submitters in a list of five choices. If it is selected let's say three of those five times, it will be presented again in about fifteen different submitter's second list of five choices and so on. With this process we will have millions of people bringing our best answer to this question to the top.

With that, the time traveler turned to the man from Round Rock, and said "How did you come up with that anyway?". The man replied "Caption Contests. I got tired of seeing what a handful of judges thought were the best answers to caption contests, and thought that what opinion needs is a high population of judgments. So I created this method and a web site called HumorQ.com, and I think I can actually use it to put a number on how funny people are by having multiple judges score their caption submissions over time. Umm, but, we have like an an hour and forty five minutes to get you that answer, and I want a crack at it, so really we all probably better get going, right?".

The time traveler turned to the man from Round Rock and said "You have answered the question satisfactorily already, here." And with that, the time traveler handed the man from Round Rock what looked incredibly like a Popeye Pez dispenser. He explained "The secret to a most joyous life is in there somewhere". The man from Round Rock said "We should probably use crowdsifting to figure out what to do next."

A goat walks into a bar.